Keeping up with the Joneses

Sometimes you’ve gotta ask yourself, are zombies the worst neighbors? I mean they don’t play loud music or borrow your stuff without returning it, but they do try awfully hard to eat you every chance they get. I guess it’s kinda like being the Road Runner and living next door to Wile E. Coyote, minus the express delivery ACME arsenal. They’re slow and dumb but always hungry for you.


To be fair my immediate neighbors weren’t all that bad. The Jones family were actually pretty nice folks. They had a big farm on a hill and fun summer parties that they always invited us to as we were growing up. I guess the party’s over now however, since Mr. Jones and kin partook of the non-proverbial Kool-Aid and removed themselves from the zombie gene pool. Courteous to the end… Plus they left their farm fully stocked with a couple years worth of food and their fences seem to keep most zombies at bay. So though I won’t be keeping up with the Joneses I will be thankful for their generosity because their farm is now my stronghold.


Don’t worry I didn’t wood chipper them or anything. I laid the entire family to rest in a little plot out back. I even said some moving words that brought tears to everyone’s eyes. And being I was the only one there it was me sobbing. They really were good folks and sometimes life gives you lemons that you can lemonade the crap out of, but in this case life gave them zombies and no escape. I can see Mr. Jones’ reasoning for offing his family since the CDC locked down this town so tight that not even a squirrel could leave. But I couldn’t give up like that, and though I can’t leave this town, I plan to make my stand here in this awesome, fully stocked farm that’s equipped with quads, rifles, and ammo. Oh, and did I mention its own well, generator and fuel? I mean, I never have to leave the farm for anything, except for when I get bored. The Joneses were great folks and all but they had a really crappy old people’s video collection and you can only watch Dallas and Falcon Crest so many times before you know who shot JR.


I guess I could go off to the video store on the far side of town… but nah. No one ever in their right mind would venture anywhere near Hungry Hill… And yet…


7 thoughts on “Keeping up with the Joneses

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  1. While I’ve never been much of a zombie fan, I have to say that all the same I was touched to tears by your heartfelt feelings for your former neighbors. Your positive “why can’t we just all get along” attitude is what our society needs more of these days. Good story!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you swpully, the latest voice in my head. Just because we are the only person still alive it doesn’t mean civility has to die too. Most people aren’t bad, their just confused. Most zombies aren’t bad either, they just have no mortality and a weird need to eat. I’m guessing that’s just their higher brain rotting out. But those CDC guys and killer hillbillies… well they’re evil. I may not lament them so much.


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