Hillbillies… figures.

Hillbillies… figures.


When it comes to apocalyptic world shattering events there are generally 3 types of people who will survive: Hillbillies, Survivalist and Mormons.


For instance, the Jones family were Mormons and hence the amazing stock piles of food, guns and fun recreational vehicles. But unfortunately most Mormons lack the emotional resiliency to handle a non-scriptural cataclysm that sent the world to hell and skipped the second coming altogether. “Whoopsie, we missed the rapture… We’d better catch up with the others” and hence the purple Kool-Aid cocktail of sleeping pills and assorted pharmaceuticals. They were good people but when you’ve got four young daughters and no sons, a world full of zombies and crazed hillbillies is less than an ideal place to raise a family.


So basically, chances are pretty good that if you are going to meet survivors in hell they are going to be Survivalist or Hillbillies. However hillbillies have a slight advantage over the survivalist because they require no fancy shelters, prepackaged foods or weaponry. They live well off the land, hunt with simple weapons, and they seem to be very okay with a personal philosophy of “shoot first and ask questions never”.  And they have a much higher immune system tolerance from less than sanitary living. Basically they’re the cockroaches of humanity and have evolved about as far as they need to survive a world gone to shit.


Also, who else could make a riveting game of zombie auto bowling? Those three a-holes out there with the Road Warrior-tastic monster truck, that’s who. So far they don’t seem to be looking to loot and are more interested in hooting and running down undead, but I think I better figure out my next move in case they come back. Well, I guess it’s time to find a copy of the movie Home Alone to study and get my home security Rube Goldberg machine freak on.


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