Zombie History

So what does one need to keep one’s stuff (and self) safe from invading hillbillies and zombies in a John Romero reality? Allies would be good for starters, but being as that I am completely alone here in this massive farm house I had better come up with some seriously ingenious traps for doors and windows.


Okay, first things first. I need inspiration. So topping the list on my agenda today is to make my way to the video store off of Bleaker Street. Yes, you heard me correctly, a video store. Hey, this is a small out-of-the-way town that no one has ever heard of before, well, until about 8 months ago when the news channels blasted us out to the world when the epidemic first broke out. They said it was some crazy rabies outbreak but between… me and me, I’ve never heard of rabies turning people into zombies before. I mean isn’t there a shot (or several) for rabies? But as I’m a little limited on my end-of-the-world pandemic disease knowledge, I’ll just stick to what I already know.


So, what is it that I know exactly? Hmm, zombies bite people. People become dead or undead depending on their amount of complete deadness when infected. What I mean by completely dead is that you are already dead before being bitten. Because if you are still even a little bit alive when one of those hungry bastards sinks their teeth into you, well, like Domino’s Pizza in 30 minutes or less you are going to start waking back up and hungry for something more than pizza. So, if that’s how rabies works I would think history would have had a lot more zombie stories in it, and it might also have been a much less boring class in school.


Today class we will look at the time when Washington crossed the Delaware to flee the zombie horde.” Yeah, Abraham Lincoln chopping up zombies with an axe would make for a much better more bad-ass story.




Okay, so if it’s Bleaker Video (Original name I know) that I’m off to, then I’m going to need a few things… What does one need in which to fight zombies?


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